Preparing for Journeys - One Sad, ONe Glad

Where have I been all week? I have been so busy with things good and sad...

...Sunday evening I received a call that had been activated through the school phone tree. This has never been good news. This time we had an early meeting before school started to talk about a student who had unexpectedly died over the weekend. She was a special ed. student who had very limited exposure so most teachers did not know her. Tori was my student for two years. Even though she was no longer in any of my classes she still stopped by on a regular basis to chat. I was very upset once I found out that Tori had died. Tori was a sweet girl. If she could help you, she would. She was also very vulnerable. I worried what would happen to her in life. I worried that people would take advantage of her, hurt her. I had already seen it happen too many times in her short life. Dealing with the death of a student is hard in many ways. It is sort of doubly sad. You have your own private reaction. Mine was to cry and feel much sadness at her passing. Sadness for the things Tori will never experience. My sadness is both from a teacher point of view and from the "I am a parent,too" stand. I can't even imagine what it would be like to find your child dead. You also have a professional reaction which is really about helping the kids work through their grief. I help them remember and focus on the joys of who Tori was. I help them remember her generosity and kindness. I help them try to find peace with her death. Last week was a good week for her. She was making great strides in her academics and she had a boyfriend (something she was ALWAYS longing and searching for). She was happy. I help them find solice in the fact that she must have passed away quickly. We hope it was painless. You listen to their stories and share them with others. In some ways it helps me deal with my pain. In other ways it keeps the pain alive.

...I have also been preparing for spring break. We will be going on a road trip to Utah next week. We will be making a big loop. We will change locations each day so that we can hike and bike, taking in the beauty of it all. I have finished Ellie's lime green and polka dot jacket. I am nearly finished with Ethan's brown and red jacket. I have a good idea of what we will eat some of the time. I am nearly ready to be ready, but not there, just yet.