This is the season for endings, good-byes and changes for my boy. He embraces those endings, appreciates the place those people and activities have held in his life, and marches confidently in the new, largely unknown future. I have less grace with these endings than he does. I am sentimental and a little sad - after all, my boy is just about grown up.
We've known for a while that Ethan's scoutmaster,Gary, would be stepping down at the end of May from leading the troop. He has struggled with the apathy of some of the scouts and their parents who look at scouting as a place to drop off their boys, instead of a place to enrich the lives of their boys and help them grow into strong, resourceful men. He has struggled to find a balance of time with a boy in college out of state, another starting at an out of state college in the fall, a younger boy and his wife. I guess I had assumed that we would end with an honor ceremony or some sort of special event. I had even hoped to put together a picnic or BBQ to honor Gary and Frank, who started the troop. But my life got caught up in working 1.5 jobs, being a mom and a wife. My life is a blurr for about 8 weeks in the spring. It was more intense than usual this year and so the end of May snuck up on me. So the boys had their last meeting on Monday. They talked about who would find another troop, took a trip for treats over at Dairy Queen, shook hands and said good-bye. And like that, it was done. Ethan says they may get together for one last camp out and he likes my BBQ idea, but we will have to see what actually occurs. We will at least give Gary some token of appreciation from ourselves.
Ethan has also said good-bye to some friends that have graduated from the school. Rhi, Lisa and Ethan have been at AVS their entire schooling careers. Arie has been part of his school life for about six years, as have Jamie and Kennedy.They will be missed, too. But Ethan is ready to step into those shoes. In many ways I think he had already been standing there. He says it will be a little different to be at school without them.
Ethan is also not doing any bike racing this year. He is simply too busy with other things like work and new activities. Even as we were spending so much time at races together, I knew it was a gift to both of us - that time, that bond, that way to show support. But still, now that it is a reality, I miss his not being there. Just taking Ellie to races is a very different (though still very enjoyable) way to do that.
I am already beginning to miss him, though he still goes to school, still lives at home, still argues with his sister over chores (and often hassles her into agreeing to outrageous deals). I miss that part where I knew what he was doing, could enjoy those quiet moments of anticipation, of being part of what brings him joy. I am now on the sidelines, where I do belong. After all, we have raised him to be the wonderful, resourceful, responsibility young man he is. It is right that he is charging ahead with full steam, mostly on his own.
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