I get into ruts - I think we all do. It is true in how I spend my time, what I expect of myself (and others) and especially in my art. I find myself getting stuck in the same place, albeit a place of joy for the process and the creation, but stuck nonetheless. And that is one of the main reasons I am here at Anderson Ranch. I am here to reconnect with who I am outside of my roles of mother, wife, teacher, care giver, counselor, etc. I need to remind myself what doing art does for me in my emotional life. I am here to find the potential within myself that I have not made a priority of. Today was a wake up call.
We spent the morning doing stuff in Photoshop. I am thrilled with that. That is one of the places that I get into ruts and routines. Our morning activities reminded me to seek out and explore more. Our instructor, David Julian, did a wonderful job. He had end products and then had us reproduce them to learn/relearn the steps. He has PDFs with photos so that we can self coach those parts that we need to repeat. And we had great discussions.
After lunch we went to Ashton, an old mining town in which some of the buildings have been preserved. It was cool to go there, but frustrating as well. Larr and I spent time together so that I could learn how to use his DSLR. It never occurred to me that perhaps I should have spent sometime on how to use the tripod. It seemed obvious, but I spent a great deal of time, and some frustration, trying to figure out how to make it do what I wanted it to do. Then one memory card became full. I switched it out to a new card and then the camera would not work. I tried to look up the code in the manual, but found the index soarly lacking. I was frustrated with the camera and the tripod. I did not let that go too far as I know I will be back.
The joy came in finally figuring out what I want to do for at least one project. I tried to make myself sit with being happy with just going through the creative process, but I also knew that I want to create something finish. I want to go full circle. Today I finally figured out what I want to do and that made me very happy.
For our project there were two suggestions. One is to make a document about the history of the location, a personal history, etc. Another option was to create a self-portrait. I decided on the self-portrait and then had to hope that I could make myself comfortable with that choice. I don't like pictures of myself most of the time, but I also know that I have to move past that, so I did. Our awesome teaching assistant, Sara, is a recent graduate who wants to be a portrait photographer. I sought out her help knowing that I trust her to help me not look like a dork. I am thrilled with the photos she took and got underway in the lab this evening. David attended an excellent lecture given by one of the other teachers and then checked on Sheila and I in the lab. With his help I got to a place in the project that I feel good about.
In my dream of a perfect outcome I would create a set of images that would go together; one of Ellie, another of Ethan,one of Larr and one of myself. I thought I would want funny photos so I had him send me some. He quickly sent me plenty to work with. I hope that I can get them done. I would love to go home with a completed set. I have a plan and I think it is a good one. I will go into the lab before the class begins tomorrow morning the duplicate those same step on the other photos. That will cement my learning and free me up to focus on the next steps. I have inspirational images and a teacher to help me find my way. The frustration I felt earlier in the day has been replaced with joy and a sense of excitement for what is to come.
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