Accomplishment, Exhaustion and Growing Up a Little

Wednesday evening Ethan and Ellie had the time trial races. This is a series of races,one each week, on the same course. Points are awarded for your top six races. It was a 10.5 mile course around part of the beautiful Cherry Creek reservoir While it is a public road, there is almost no traffic. Riders are assigned a start time, with each of them staggered by twenty seconds. Our kids were racing at around 7:18. I was a little concerned with the time, since it was still getting dark by around 8:00. But I had to let go a little, let them grow up a bit and trust that they would be okay. And they are, but it was a bit scary. The course took them about45 minutes to complete. Ethan was recovering from a cold, having spent Tuesday at home sick. They both had a good start. Emily started a minute ahead of Ellie. Her dad, Paul, was riding beside her. It was Paul who made all the difference for both girls. His riding along side them kept them going strong. I am sure Emily had a very good racing time. She finished a few minutes ahead of Ellie. By the time that my kids were nearing the end of their race (about 8:10), it was extreme dusk. They were real troopers. By the time Ethan finished he was hoarse and cold. His experience was mixed. Being the nature boy that he is, he was cheered on by seeing a coyote, about 100 deer and too many ducks to count. As the pinky red part of the sunset was at its peak Ethan observed an endearing pair of mallards enjoying the evening. He said that kept him riding, following them for part of the way. By the time he had finished he was tired, had to go to the bathroom and his throat hurt so much that he could not speak for a while. He seemed happy enough, though a bit temporarily exhausted. Ellie's experience was not so good, or at least I am not sure that it was, based on how she reacted when she was finished. Most of the race was fine. She was the last kid to start the race, all those behind her were adults. They flew past her. For part of the time she could still see Ethan, Emily and Paul. But as the dusk settled in and it became darker and darker, the road also became more twisty, making it hard to see any of the other riders. For about 10 minutes of the ride she worried that she might be lost. She had cars behind her for a while and she has never ridden in the dark before. After Emily crossed the finish line Paul went back and found my kids, riding in with Ellie, cheering her on. She was the last rider in. There was a car with flashing lights on just behind her. I think it might have been with the race, to signal to the race organizers that she was the last rider. After the finish line she collapsed a little and cried for a while. When I asked why, she was not sure. I think some of it was exhaustion. I think some of it was the relief of tension from being done with something big and unknown. It might have been relief to find that she was indeed not lost. She recovered by the time we were home. I am proud of both of them. The coaches had said that the goal for the kids in this race was to finish, and they both did.

This leaves my husband and I with a dilemma. Or rather, I am the one with the dilemma. He would say to trust them and let them grow up a bit. They did just fine and next week will be better because they now know what they are doing. I say, THANK GOD FOR PAUL! He made a huge difference. How would Ellie had done without him going back and making sure she felt clear about where she was going? I think he will be at the next two races, then it is off to Hawaii for him and Emily. Maybe by then it will still be light when she finishes and she will have three races under her belt. Each week it will get dark a little later. Each night I am going to pay attention to when it starts to get really dark. The dilemma is, should I let them ride again next week, of should I wait until a few weeks have passed? Maybe I will have fewer strong feelings about this later today. I had so much going through my head that I could not sleep. So, at 3:00 in the morning I am writing this and wringing my hands a bit. Am I worrying too much? They both did fine. They were tired. Ellie was stretched to new limits - I know that it is a good thing. When I used to do sports I had those same feelings and came to appreciate that they represented that I had pushed myself in a positive way. Is it okay to allow my kids to be in situations where they feel such mixed emotions - pride, fear, accomplishment and exhaustion? I am not sure. I will begin to figure it out by getting a better night's sleep, by talking to the coaches and the parents of the other riders, and to my kids, of course.